So July started off so positive and upbeat. The gain from last week really threw me. There were some tears shed. Food scoffed. A night’s sleep. A new week ahead.
The week was a tough one for me, mentally, physically and emotionally. But I did not let my old habits reign. I kept on it.
I did not cave. Not once. I kept saying NO, and had a positive result at the end of it!
Ending on a high.
I finished the month, 6lbs down, into a new stone bracket and so close to my next mini target.
Seems like good times are ahead.
Let’s hope August is a good one.

Coming into week 31 bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. Even though my first WW day of August weather wise, is a complete and utter wash out. I will not let the rain, reign down on me!!! No I will not.
Starting off the week on a happy, positive and raring to go attitude. One thing I need to focus on this week is my fluid intake. I definitely don’t drink nowhere near enough and think this can cause problems with weight loss in general. So my main focus for the week. Fluid!

I have had another cupcake order to fulfil this week. The cakes were baked Thursday, and decoration set for Friday afternoon/evening. On plan days, all good with the food, fluid intake still needs work, but progress is being made.
Unfortunately, by Friday evening, half way through decorating these cupcakes, I realised, it’s like, earlier in the day, this total wave has completely washed over me.
The buzz, positivity, motivation, energy from Wednesday night/Thursday morning has just gone. As if by magic. Poof. Gone.
I don’t know if it’s all the cake making and long days / evenings catching up with me, all the emotions from this week coming to a head, or what. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve had far beyond my usual record of weeks on plan, even with a shocking gain, and still sticking to plan, not going off when I usually would have done. Whatever it is, I don’t like this feeling. It’s completely engulfed me.
Hopefully with a weekend approaching, with Hubby and my Lil Man, it’ll soon pass.
Not going to lie, a bit of cake batter, and cut off brownies were nibbled at over the course of Thurs/Fri but nothing to warrant any damage. It shouldn’t have happened, but sometimes you do things without realising and this was one of those times. Oops. I won’t let it get to me, or focus on it. Onwards we go.
Saying that, it is only the weekend, and I am going to do my utmost to refocus, get that head back on straight, and make sure the rest of the week, and August as a whole, is a positive and successful one, not a let down. Every little decision/choice/moment matters. Not just the scales.
There is one thing I do have to document right here, right now.
IMG_1974This right here, is what I saw, watching my dear darling Hubby, and my MiL – who has to eat MORE as she’s below her target with SW and can’t stop losing even though not trying!! Some people get all the luck!
I have said NO!!!!!!
And before you say anything, Hubby did ask if it was OK, and did I mind, and that at first he felt bad eating in front of me.
As I said to him, and I’ve said many a time before, I have no issue him eating sweet treats in front of me. Sometimes it does feel unfair, but if I want it that badly, I’ll have it. But I cannot then expect to see the results on the scales. It is food like this that got me in the situation I am currently in, in the first place. He doesn’t need to lose weight, so I’m not going to sit here and ban him from eating nice treats just because I ‘can’t‘. Well I can, I just choose not too! This time especially. I choose. It is my choice. As with everything else on this journey, it is down to me. Me alone.
I am going to come across many situations and circumstances over the course of this journey that will test me, will test my willpower. I need to get used to it, and train myself to be OK in these scenarios! You can’t go to the cinema and expect EVERYONE around you to not eat popcorn, pick ‘n’ mix or nachos just because you’re on a ‘healthy lifestyle programme’ now can you?!!!

Anyway. Point is. I said N-O!!!
My other point, by the time they had finished, well, got to the point they couldn’t eat anymore, and the knives & forks were placed down, I genuinely was not bothered by the fact I had missed out. I did not feel like I had missed out.
Unfortunately my meal choice for Saturday evening did not do much on the appeal/appetising front, by which point this feeling from yesterday had returned, and right there and then, I’d of happily devoured both the waffle and the pancake 🙈 had they been in my presence then!
Closest I got to comfort food, Metcalfe Skinny Popcorn Cinema Sweet. I wasn’t sure what I thought of it, whether I liked it or if I was eating it for the sake of it, so I stopped. Go me!
It definitely wasn’t real cinema sweet style that’s for sure.
Three days into a new week and a new month, and it really isn’t boding well… my mood is just shot. My positivity and motivation lacking.
Still earning those blue dots though. Just.

By Monday, I genuinely felt like my Mojo was well and truly shot. Stolen. Wanting it returned asap. Nowhere to be seen.
I am just lacking energy to the point I nearly went on a mini binge. Well not nearly. I did to some extent. Ahhhhh.
I found a WW in meeting bar I had left from last week, so had that, 3 rich tea’s and a packet of crisps. All low SP, all pointed, all tracked.
I can’t really call it a binge, but it was a whole lot of unnecessary, unneeded and stupidness.
Nothing compared to what I could have done, or what I would have succumbed to in the past, but I did feel like by the end of the weekend, that this was bound to happen. Just didn’t think I would give in this side of weigh in. Oops.
What’s done is done, it could have been a whole lot worse, and hopefully can rectify some damage on Tuesday. We shall see. Moment of madness.
I have no energy, I feel crummy. And now I do feel a whole lot worse for it. But at the same time I need to keep telling myself that I stopped at a few, admitted it, tracked it and owned up before it stopped being ‘only a few’.  I can regret, I can focus on the negatives and that this happened, or I can just track it, and move on.

Tuesday  came, I got myself up and forced myself to be more upbeat and positive. Thinking positive, thinking happy, makes for happier times. Even though deep down I’m still feeling crummy… but shush! Onwards!
At the end of the day, tomorrow is judgement day. Whatever will be, will be.
Considering I only have 1lb to go until my next mini target / milestone, I have not put in the effort that I should have done this week. Especially with Monday evening. Wallowing in my own shadow and ‘issues’ definitely doesn’t help. But what’s done is done, and if there is any damage… I know why and have to accept it and move on. If I can with an unexpected one, I can with an expected one…. right?
Not going to lie, the highlight of my day…. pickled onion Monster Munch! Been craving these for weeks, and now, I finally found some! So worth the 3SP! Genuine smiles of joy right there. Easily pleased ’tis me!

Do you know what? Even if I had, had a 110% good as gold week, I would still be bricking weigh in. Those scales…. have a life of their own, the power is in their plates!
Anyway. The fact is, this week, wasn’t 110%, it wasn’t even 100% and with all the emotions and that going on this week… I’ve been thrown right out my comfort zone.
With last weeks surprisingly high and unexpected loss, yes I was expecting to lose that 1lb gain from week before, but definitely not an extra 1.5lbs on top… I am actually dreading the scales.
What with stress, tiredness, ughyness… what’s a little more negativity with a gain eh?!!? At least I know why!!
Ideally… if its going to be a gain… no more than 1lb would be appreciated. If I am going to gain, I’ll accept no more than this. I can handle that. Reasonable, understandable and keeps me in this stone bracket. Going back up a digit, would definitely tip me over.
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Well…..
When you know full well that pigs will actually fly before you lose weight this week. Then the scales show you this. Those three magic words, everyone loves in times like these… are truly the next best thing.
Could not be happier to actually have stayed the same for once!
Blessing in disguise, thank you WW gods!
I would have actually been a bit gutted to have lost ½lb though, if I’m going to be completely honest. I am only 1lb off my next mini target/milestone and I think if I’d have lost ½lb that would have been such a kick in the teeth, tease type.
Anyway. Next week I promise you, I’ll be better!
Next week… I’m on it. And ideally will have a nice number to admit to having lost. I would love to promise, but at same time, this week may play catch up. Who knows.

Stay tuned!!
Please?! 😇

-x-

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