Wow. I lost THREE yesterday. How?!!?
Like really? How? I don’t lose like that!
I must remember though, when I’ve lost big in a week before, the following week I’ve tended to STS so I need to just remember, it’s over the month not the week. Focus on that. And don’t be disappointed if the result at the end of this week isn’t AMAZING. Well, any loss is better than nothing, but. I lost big yesterday so can’t expect big next time.
Also. This week brings about my birthday. Yes that’s right. The day that threw me right off plan last year. Well, not the day itself. That was a Wednesday, so I had spent the last 3 weeks getting back on plan, and even went to group on my birthday, with 7lbs lost over those 3 weeks, I was finally back on it. Then I went out for my birthday meal the day after… telling myself it was one day, get right back on it the day after. I didn’t. Nor the day after that, or the day after that. Or even the week, or month after. And there began my spiral down for the rest of the year. But not this year. I refuse to let myself fall again. I need this. Well, obviously on my birthday, SP won’t count and the day will be off plan. Yes I could be good and stick to it, but hey, its one day. We are entitled. I’m unfortunately NOT that revved up on willpower to even stick it out on my birthday.
So bring it on birthday… bring it on Week 28!
IMG_1024It’s my BIRTHDAY …. yes day one of Week 28 and it’s my birthday!! Ahhh! The day begins with waffles and syrup in bed 🙈 oopsy!! From here… the day just… well. Birthday’s should be banned!!
I ate so much food. OK, I didn’t go crazy, well not that crazy. I just felt like all I did was eat.
After the breakfast in bed, we went out for the day. We decided to go out on the evening just the two of us, as much as we love Lil Man, we haven’t been out just us two in forever. Not once in 2017! So we decided we would do it in the evening and spend the day the together as a family. So off we went, to the park, to the shops, everywhere. I even got a good ol’ Costa toastie for lunch, check me out, can’t escape those good ol’ toasties! But after this, I actually felt full. For the first time in forever! What’s going on!
A bit later on, a bit more walking, we found the new Krispy Kremes, the American range. If you don’t know about them, go check them out. I couldn’t say no. Honestly though, I wish I had. I did feel a bit sick afterwards, and didn’t need it. But as usual, its my birthday, sod it mode, for a perfectly valid and good reason!
We went to Bella Italia for dinner, but before this, I was trying to find something nice to wear. I’m not comfortable in anything but jeans at the moment, unfortunately. So I found a top I had recently bought… put it on, felt decent for once, but realised it was a little to gapey at the side…goodness. I tried on another top I bought a couple of months ago, loose-fitting, floaty. Too floaty. Too loose-fitting. What is going on! I haven’t lost much weight, so clearly something’s not right. Have I actually started to lose inches I wonder?!? Anyway, outfit sorted. Off we went. Yes we had 3 courses. Nothing overly ridiculous until dessert. I couldn’t finish it! I know, me!! What’s going on!! I actually left a good ¼ of it. What has happened to me!!?? I left dessert. I felt full, and I left it. I actually stopped. And left food.
I felt like the whole day was just me eating. In the past, including recently, I could have cleared everything and still want more. Shocking. Disgusting.
But no, not today. I felt like I’ve truly started to change. I still have a good ol’ appetite, don’t get me wrong, and proof that when I go off plan, I go waaayyy off, so far off, that the plan is a dot. Get the reference… you earn yourself a shed load of brownie points.
So birthday day, day off plan. Birthday celebrated, birthday enjoyed. Ready to get back on it first thing in the morning? Why yes I am. On a more positive note to end the day….somehow managed over 12k steps AND a knot for no sneaky weigh in!
Yes, a nice shiny new fresh knot, in my imaginary piece of fresh string for this new week.
In all fairness, after the food consumption, I do not want to weigh myself any time soon!! So hopefully a fair few imaginary knots to be earned this week.
If I make sure I don’t go near them the rest of the week, I may have a shot at getting this week back on plan. As the days go on, I will be tempted to see what damage my birthday has done, so to avoid that temptation, I’ll be earning myself a bloomin’ medal let alone a knot! Right now though, not appealing in the slightest! Let’s hope that stays.

So as much as it pains me to say, there is a perk to this week compared to last years birthday, my hubby has to work the weekend. No, I’m not happy about that, that’s not the perk. The perk is, with him at work, normality resumes almost instantly. Less likely for any more off plan days, or mistakes on the SP front.
I don’t regret yesterday, but I am writing the day off completely, and along with it, I’m writing off all my weeklies. I am going to try to stick within my dailies and not go close to stepping foot in weeklies territory, just to try to swing it back round for me. Like I said, after a big loss, the following week always looks less likely, and after yesterday (with me and my record….) aiming for a STS seems realistic. So aiming to use between 27-30SP each day. No more. The weeklies were clearly obliterated and then some yesterday, but even without counting yesterday I think it is wise to not let myself use them. Just in case.
I want this. So much more now. I have to do this.
Plus 2nd day of the week, I’ve spent ALL day in the kitchen making this cake for my neighbours niece. I woke up this morning feeling not at all hungry, don’t know if I’m still full from yesterday, if so, don’t know whats wrong with me….. or if it was just the nerves and anxiety kicking in, in preparation for this cake. I’ve never done it before, and so many elements to it I’ve not done, so that’s just great! Not just the cake itself, the design, but pretty much all the design elements are new to me. No pressure. I did have a quick break at lunch time and met the hubby and MIL for lunch. Got me out the house, and in the past if I’ve been in making a cake, the cupboards would have tempted me. I genuinely wasn’t today but I’m glad I got out for half hour or so.
IMG_1139
I can’t believe it though. It’s finished. I made this cake. I have actually spent ALL day in the kitchen, as I said above. This cake, kept me away from food, kept me going. It has absolutely destroyed me, I am one shattered Momma, but it’s done.

For a first attempt…. do you know something? I am bloody happy with it. I love it.
I have never made a Unicorn cake before. I have never made horns or ears before. I have never used modelling paste before. I have never done multi coloured piping before. It’s all new.

Now I’ve taken a step back, washed up, cleaned up, flicked through the photos I’ve taken… I like it. I might even love it.
Unicorns I love them, Unicorns I love them! 🦄✨🦄

I am my own worst critic.. in anything and everything, and my cakes especially. But yeh. This one I’m proud of. And do you know what, my Mom said something to me about this cake. My Grandma would be proud. And that struck a heart string! I loved my Grandma dearly, plus she was a fantastic cake maker. I obviously get the love and the passion for it, from her. I do hope I’m doing her justice, and doing her proud. Oh gosh. Eyes filled. Must stop. Bed calls.

So that was a stressful day. A long, tiring day. But so worth it. So it seems! Hitting my daily SP target and using no more. Good start 👍🏻
The weekend, I must admit, started off on a much more positive front. I was still buzzing from completing such a pretty cake, but also, I felt better. Like I was finally doing well, and being successful. I’d started the week completely off plan, allowed, birthday right! But had not gone down the path of throwing the rest of the week off!! I was sticking to it. By Saturday evening I felt that I was finally getting the hang of the ol’ WW malarkey… only taken me what, 2 years this time around!?! Plus… still no sneaky peek on the scales! Not even after Thursday.
Sunday Hubby was at work, so lunch round the mother in-laws… nice and full and fed. Do you know what? I left a massive potato! Yes, I could not eat everything on my plate. What is going on!!?!?! I had a snacky low SP tea. Partially because of SPs, partially because I wasn’t that hungry, still full from lunch, but also. Well, it was a comfort snacky tea. As the afternoon went on, I started feeling a lot more deflated. Like that positivity bubble had just burst. I was feeling big, bloated and downright bleurgh. The easiest way to describe it. I don’t know if its birthday blow out catching up with me, or because I’m starting to get apprehensive about weigh in. Not having a ‘check’ over the weekend, let alone a ‘check’ after a blow out… it is really starting to affect me. Going into the unknown after a blow out, when I know that even a single day blow out can throw me right off track and result in a gain, just isn’t sitting well with me. I am starting to struggle.
Not struggle struggle, but, it’s really hard to explain. I am not tempted to go and raid the cupboards for a load of rubbish, not just yet anyway. Just not 100% positive.
I know this is going to sound so silly but I think because I’ve not been able to check the ‘damage’ that Thursday has done, I’m getting really apprehensive about it! I was feeling positive and OK about it and letting it go, like it didn’t happen, or that it did but moving on from it, and focusing on the rest of the week’s meals and potential of a STS on Wednesday, but now I’m just paranoid and getting to that “ah I’ve bet I put on weight, f*** it, let’s ruin it” feeling…. but at same time forcing myself to be good!
The power that those scales hold over me at the moment, is just plain ridiculous. Quite frankly, it’s embarrassing.

Thinking about it, I say that I have an off plan day at the start of the week and even if I’m pure gold the rest of the week, I still have a gain, but is that really the case? I think in all honesty my damage is normally done in the days following an off plan day. So I’ll have a day off plan or a meal off plan on day 1, and then day 2 I jump straight into thinking that I’m going to gain so may as well just eat bad & think sod it for the rest of the week. And I think it’s that, that’ll cause the gain! But on the flip side, I then tell myself, if I focus, stick to plan, be good & strict for the rest of the week, get to group and find out I’ve gained anyway I’ll be like I missed out for that… forget it, I may as well eat bad from the word go!! So what do I do!? Either way I look at it, I usually go off plan for the rest of the week! Gosh, it’s a horrible, horrible, vicious circle. I battle with it every day.
But so far this week, I’m yet to stumble.

I told you I’m bad, I’m embarrassing!

So that feeling I had come over me, Sunday evening, apprehension, anxiety etc, it had sort of died down yesterday, not so much today. Tuesday evening, the night before weigh in, my most anxious time of the week! Think I was feeling similar last week to be fair. You see, it’s my worst time for wanting to check, yes, my frame of mind comes down to the scales. The reason I feel the way I do, is because of a square piece of metal on the floor! That does absolutely nothing positive to me, or to my life! Does no benefit, yet causes me such angst of late! Whatever they say, nothing can be done in 24 hours, nothing beneficial anyway! By early weekend I thought you know what I have got this not peeking thing down, clearly I’m a long way off kicking the habit!!
Struggling to avoid ‘temptation’…. it’s not even that, I don’t know why I feel the need to even check. Temptation was once just bad comfort food… this is on a whole other level.

Tomorrow night I find out the results of my week, after a day off plan. Yes in the past it’s never resulted in just one day, so always disappointing come weigh in, but having checked during the week I know what I’m in for, sort of.
This week I have tried to get back on plan, and stay focused, and feel that I have for the most part, but at the same time, I am constantly questioning myself, have I? I am anxious and worried, and I do not know why. I have absolutely no clue why I make myself feel this way. Writing it down is my way of curbing it…. for now at least!

img_7284Oh man! Only went and lost weight AGAIN!
Another week of no peeking, inclusive of a day off plan, just one day, no more, another week of sticking to my dailies as best as possible, eating them in a healthier and more balanced way. Are my old habits finally changing!!? What’s happening to me!?
Getting knotted sure is helping I know that much!!!

Oh and maybe I should have unicorn stress more often….!! And they say unicorns, like magic, doesn’t exist!! Magic is the answer, I tell you that for something!!

Seriously though, how pretty?!?!

I still can’t believe that I, me, did this! I am bloody impressed. As I said above, I don’t do praise or compliments with regards to anything I do myself, cakes, weight loss, parenthood, anything. I never feel I’m any good. This was the first time doing this, most of the components were brand new ‘skills’ to me, but after stepping back, especially now after a few days, I am frigging chuffed. For once, I am happy to admit it.

-x-

Advertisements