Still can’t quite believe I lost weight yesterday. Shocking. But anyway.
First day of a new week and I’ve already had an epiphany about where it’s all been going wrong!! Like, I knew those 8 glasses a day were too much!! Plus someone at weigh in the other week did weigh a litre bottle of water, and it was saying 2.5lbs! Shocking.
So onto Week 27 I go.
I had an awful night’s sleep last night, like I don’t even know where to begin. They say that weight loss and sound sleeping do correlate, so this is just a great start to the week.
My whole feeling crummy about myself and just feeling .a bit… well… pants, has seemed to have carried on into today. So much for the PMA!! But this always happens when I decide the time is now to try again, something always comes to throw a spanner in the works, or at least try to anyway.
Something that has been playing on my mind somewhat since it happened was this.
I wasn’t going to share. I didn’t even tell my Hubby at first. I tried brushing it off as I’m sure it was something that was only said in jest. And even though I’ve had some bad days and bad food choices, you won’t believe me when I say this is something that has been plaguing the back of my mind.
Near my folks, is our local Botanical Gardens and a couple of weeks ago I went with them and Lil Man. Just after my few days away down in London, coming back to reality and sneaking those scales, not liking what I was seeing so this was just the icing on the cake for my emotions and my mental state.
We walked up there (earning those FitPoints thank you very much) and went for a little play in the park area. Whilst Dad pushed Lil Man on the swings, Mom and I jumped on the normal ones. Me trying to fit in the baby swing HA. No. These were your normal swing style swing thing! You know what I mean. These were so much lower to the ground than ‘normal’ swings. You sort of have to walk backwards so the seat comes level with your bum and then hop on and away you go. They are soooo much lower than when we used to play there as children, and can tell they are the same swing sets, just stupid OTT health & safety at its ‘finest’. Mom and I were joking around about it, when some, I guess they would be what, members of the Board or some work related men, wandered past. One said this right to me. Well it was in our direction, but I felt all eyes on me. It may not have been malicious, and could have been in response to us discussing trying to get up and off them or how our leg muscles felt like they were in full use for the first time in forever, without stepping foot into the gym! Intentional or not, it hurt. It struck a chord. Do they not think?
Yes I am clearly overweight. I may not like to, but I do use a mirror on a daily basis. I don’t need to be reminded of this by someone I do not know, well by anyone really, in front or behind my back, however, I do not need to be reminded. The mirror is a constant. You don’t know me, you don’t know how I work. You don’t know how something like this silly little comment can affect someone. It could be brushed off without a seconds thought, or like me, who’s going through her monthly wobble moments (not lady time before anyone thinks that that’s a new term for it, but my monthly, I’ve done well for a few weeks so time to mess it up wobble!) can take something like this right to heart. Big time.
It may have been just that, a passing comment, especially as clearly we are 2 grown women playing on the swings that mostly children use, but you can’t tell me that we are the only adults to use them! Those swings have been there, and in use for years, since I was little, if not longer.
I immediately looked up at the sold metal framework, and metal chains holding the swing in place. The same nasty rusty old solid metal chains from when I was a child. It wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon!
This comment has really hit me, in more ways than it should. I should just brush it off. Don’t get me wrong it is getting easier day by day, but it is still there at the back of my mind from time to time.
I wasn’t going to post, but this is a record of my journey, and this was a big speed bump so posting it, talking it out loud, hopefully meaning I can brush it off once and for all.
(NB: Tweet has since been deleted as didn’t want to bring attention to it… hark at me now rambling on about it now….!!)
So back to this week.
Food wise, day 1 has been a good day and my first 🔵 of the week. Mindset and emotional state wise… testing to say the least. But food wise. On it.
This is probably going to sound like a right random one, but here goes anyway. So as hubby is on late’s this week, I had to go the morning group yesterday. The leader there gives her members a piece of string at the end of the meeting, each week. She asks for them to tie a knot on each day that they have stuck to plan, tracked. Similar to the whole Blue Dot Challenge in that you earn a knot instead. A physical knot you have to tie yourself after you have completed a good day. A visual & 3D representation.
I thought it was a bit of a quirky idea at first, totally random. Then when I saw everyone, young and old, waving bits of string in the air, I thought it was even more random and bizarre; humorous to say the least! But at the same time it got you thinking. Seeing pretty much the whole room waving 7 knotted strings – aiming to achieve 7 days on plan, 7 knots, therefore hopefully seeing a loss at the scales – it most definitely got you thinking and seeing people so focused.
So I decided to join in. I may only go to this group every 8 weeks or so, but still, whats a piece of string eh!? If it helps focus and motivate, I say give it a go. Nothing to lose, well, weight of course, but you get my drift. So yes, I’ve decided to join in, it may seem silly or stupid to some, but to me, it’s a bit of fun, a little bit quirky! A focus, a potential motivator.
I already use my lovely little 🔵 as a sort of motivator to try to get me back to doing WW properly and tracking better, some days it definitely helps, others not so much! But as you know, I have been struggling with sneaky peeks on the scales. Some weeks may be once over the weekend, then the morning of weigh in. Other weeks it becomes daily. This is such a bad habit, as it does nothing for me. Does not motivate me one bit. At times it is a reason for being thrown off the wagon. Another of my pathetic excuses. So why do I do it…. habit. I can’t help myself at times, even though I know its wrong, and they always differ from group!
So this week, with this string, I’m telling myself, for each day I earn not only a 🔵 but a sneaky peek – less day…I get myself a knot. Obviously Weigh In Wednesday, as long as I don’t sneak before group I’ll earn a knot too. I usually go slightly over my SP zone on a Wednesday as tend to have some form of a treat, especially when I’ve had a proper week on plan. It’s been a while! I never go crazy over but at times can be over the magic 37 mark. So for that day, a knot is earned for no sneaky peeks alone.
So as you can see…. 7 days, 7 knots. Yes that’s right! I did it. I made it 7 whole days without a single peek on the scales and 7 whole days of full tracking, on plan each & every day. Averaging between 33-37SP. I didn’t compromise, I had what I fancied, a few newer recipes thrown in, but didn’t hold back. If I fancied a carb based meal, I had it. I didn’t go carb free Monday or Tuesday for dinner. I just gave myself a smaller portion.
The sticking to plan and meals came easier as the week went on. Standard. What didn’t however. Was not sneaking the scales. This surprised me in that, I was shocked at to what extent it effected me. Especially on a Wednesday. It felt like I was an addict going cold turkey from whatever it was they were addicted to. I was very anxious, a lot!! I felt like they would be talking to me, whispering my name as I went into the bathroom! Ridiculous. Now I know my scales always differ.. every time I stand on them, so they really don’t help. But at the same time, they do. They give me a heads up… a sort of idea as to how my week is going or has gone. I have always weighed either first thing or just before going to group on a Wednesday. That has gone without saying. This week I didn’t, and it just felt wrong!
Everyone said I would feel better for it, and was even asked ‘Don’t you feel good for not doing it?’. My answer is No! It felt wrong. It felt awful going into group not having the foggiest as to how I had done. But I did it. I pushed through. It sounds ridiculous and silly I know, but to me, and to many people, it isn’t! It’s what you do. Helps you, doesn’t help you, whatever it does, people do it! But I didn’t for a whole week. Deep down I’m glad, I want to combat this silly habit. I never used to, and I know they don’t help. They aren’t right. I go to my group to find out, I don’t need to know in the week. It doesn’t motivate me or push me, it doesn’t do anything positive. So I don’t need to do it.
My first fully ‘blind’ weigh in.
I stuck to plan, tracked every day, earned 🔵 every day, varying between 33-37SP. I had the odd snack here and there, tracked. I had more carbs. I did it all. Did it help? Did sticking to plan, go to plan?
Wow. OK. I’ll be! I only went and lost bloody weight didn’t I?!?! I wasn’t expecting that much! I was hoping for a 1lb loss to get rid of that gain from the week before London to be honest with you! So now I’m 2lbs lower than that. I’ll take that. Am I finally doing something right!!?
A week on plan… a week tracking….a proper week doing Weight Watchers.
It only went and worked!!