6 months into the year. Wow. How time flies.
In 14 days time, my not so little boy will be a whole TWO years old! How did that happen!?
That gives me another 14 days to lose what I can before the big day. I did not want to be the same weight / size this birthday as I was last year. Unfortunately as you may know, my success has been somewhat thwarted. No I am currently not the same weight as I was this time last year… so that’s a on the ol’ checklist right there…but it’s not a shout it from the rooftops, not a noticeable difference type of scenario.
I am starting June, 3.5lbs lighter than his birthday week weight last year. How awful is that. That’s all I have achieved in 12 months! I know I had a refresh in January, and had put on a few lbs since his birthday but that’s just depressing. On the flip side, I am currently 13.5lbs down from the start of the year.
By the end of this month I really, really want to have achieved my 1 stone off. It’s not even funny anymore! I need to quit messing around… big time! Yes its only ½lb away, but you know me. My journey. I could be 4lbs up by the end of the month. I promise I won’t be! But you know what I mean.
I know I have said my journey is a slow one this year… Ha… clearly! But there is slow, then there is standstill and then there is really!? What on earth are you playing at!? I am obviously the latter right now.
My leader always goes on, week in, week out, about how hard I am on myself and how I need to be more positive. But can you blame me? I am my own worst enemy, I am my own saboteur, I have no reason, no excuse. I just do. I say I want this, but am not putting in the effort to make it happen. As I have mentioned before, it sounds simple enough to an outsider. You want to lose weight, just do it. But for those in the know, it really isn’t as simple as that. It is a complex situation that I am not going to go into right now, because as I mentioned, if you know, you know. You understand, you get it. For those of you who don’t… well think whatever you want! You’ll never understand, no matter how much we try to explain.
So on with June.
I have ½lb to lose this week. Realistic, achievable, totally doable! For any idiot. Sorry, any normal person. ½lb is simple enough. It’d be more ridiculous if I didn’t achieve it this week.
Then again, this is me. But on with the week.
I decided this week, I would set myself some June Goals. This is something I used to do each month, and most of the time, would fail to do. I don’t work well with targets/goals/focus points to lose weight. Just like with this, I have ½lb to a target point, and like last month, I was 1lb away… as soon as I have it there right in front of me, ready to grab hold of… I do something ridiculous and throw myself right back out there. It’s like when a target is close I stop myself from achieving it. I don’t know why. Last month I was 1lb away… I then went and gained 1.5lb and took another 2 weeks to get it back off. What a waste. But this week. It has to be different, it has got to be! It’s not even 1lb. It’s what, 2-3 extra wee’s that day!!? 225 grams! Well, 226.796 grams to be exact. Either way. That’s all. It has to be done! Surely even I can’t fudge this up!
So anyway. June Goals. Simple, achievable and most importantly realistic. Pretty self-explanatory too. The first. Be More Positive. Well, what more can I say. I need to do this. Positivity is key. It helps your attitude, your mind, your mental state. Your success. Lose Weight. No specific amount, just the ability to be able to say at the end of June, I weigh less than when I started. Even if it is just that little ½lb. It is still less. Enjoy my Sons 2nd Birthday. Well obviously, this goes without saying. But enjoy making the magical memories, embrace the photos. And finally, Focus on the Now, not the Past. I am constantly being told that this should be easier for me now, I have done it before, I was so successful back in the day, I’ll get back to there. Then I am being told don’t focus on the past, it is now that you are achieving, focus on that. Well, which is it? Neither are easy or simple. I know I have done it before, I have the evidence, the knowledge, the memories, the photos and more so… the clothes!! Staring at me from drawers, from the wardrobe, daily reminders, constant battles, I don’t need people telling me as well. I need to focus on the now, and my current journey and work on that.
Also in May, I took part in the Blue Dot Challenge. I have mentioned this in previous posts, about earning your blue dot for each day you successfully finish within your ‘tracking zone’. It did make me think a lot more about my tracking capabilities and taught me that healthily I could eat slightly less, and even slightly more. Some days it worked, some days it didn’t. I’m human, battling with myself each and every day, bear with me! It also taught me that weeklies are your friend, you can use them, it will be OK! I did say at the start of May that I was aiming for 25 out of 31… I managed, 21 out of 31. So considering the pitfalls I faced, not all bad! Unfortunately, it is safe to say the blank dates, are due to over pointing not under pointing! If only eh!? I’d say… challenge completed! Will try to continue this in June, and hopefully with a more positive outlook.
So my first week into June, started off ok. It was Dad’s birthday the 1st June, so I tracked and ate well, I did try some of my birthday cake that I made for him, again I couldn’t point this 100% accurately as I had made it myself, but used a Madeira sponge from the app, so all could be accounted for. Go Lou!
I am not quite sure but over the weekend I felt this ‘need’ for bad food. I did not succumb, but that looming weigh in, and the whole only needing to lose ½lb so let’s try to sabotage my own success was filling my mind. I did my best, made good choices, some more disappointing than others, which never helps. But stayed on plan. We ended up at Costa for lunch on the Sunday, their cheese topped toasties are yum, all affordable points, but to me, comfort food without going crazy. This helped keep the saboteur demons at bay. Or so I thought.
No idea what came over me on Monday afternoon. I got home, and just raided the cupboards, don’t get me wrong, I was picking at fruit, cereal, a couple of rich tea biscuits, nothing TOOOOO sinister, but 2 days before weigh in, really!? I had fought it so much over the weekend, and focusing on the No’s I gave myself the weekend before, I thought I had finally got this. But Monday afternoon, just came and ruined the lot. So I stopped. Tracked. Went back into the living room and made sure I did not move until hubby came home! One thing I have to say, normally by this point I have devoured god knows what, used too many points, and just completely fallen off, to the point I think sod it, and do a bad dinner, ruin Tuesday and just wait for weigh in so I can start afresh with a new week. Not today. Not this time. I made a safe low SP dinner, spent the first half of the evening fluiding up, getting that damage limitation in quick smart. It may not do any good, but at least I was trying.
Rather than giving up, I sat back, drew a real line, and tried.
Tuesday was a full on damage limitation day. Low SP meals, plenty of fruit. You name it, I tried. I really tried.
Unfortunately my previous efforts and their lack of results were at the forefront of my mind, the whole time I was thinking why am I trying, what is the point, I will gain, I may as well enjoy the bad. But I didn’t. Weigh day came, I could say I would love to see 3lbs off this week, but that’s just silly, and unrealistic. You cannot expect the results if you do not put in the effort. Ideally I would have loved to be able to say, ½lb off please. Realistic, achievable, doable. At the start of the year I was saying 1lb a week, I would b e grateful for. So to wish for just ½lb? Totally doable. But I made some mistakes this week, my own doing , my own choices, choices that should have been more thought over, but they happened. I cannot do anything about it now. I drew a line and tried for a good 24 hours, more than I would have done or tried to do, previously. Maybe STS at a push. Or really…½lb on at most perhaps? It will more than likely be more… deservedly so. Luckily helpers get to arrive early so if it is bad news I can always compose myself and get that smile on ready. We shall see.
So I am back from weigh in. I had an awful afternoon, rushing around, stuck in a whole heap of traffic for what seemed like HOURSSSS…late home, rushed to get ready, arguments with hubby, running late to get out to get to my meeting… to the point I was in tears driving there! You name it, Wednesday was not my friend.
Considering I had seen the Addams Family Musical the night before, that did tickle me a little…. but anyway. I just knew I needed to see the damage, face it, continue moving on from it, and focus on getting back on track properly. It was going to be a gain, I just knew it, the way my afternoon had gone… most definitely not going to see any good! Or so I thought.
How? Like, how? Really? I have absolutely no clue. I have never ever been so happy to see ‘just’ – apologies to those of you who know that it is never just JUST – half lb on those scales! Normally I’m cursing the dreaded small loss! I was praying for a STS after all my mistakes this week, no matter how small, mistakes are mistakes for me, I was guessing ½-1lb gain but wishing for a STS. I got this instead.
After this afternoon, and knowing the scales would tip me over the edge, not literally, but then to see this, oh you don’t know the relief. Really truly needed.
More importantly, this wasn’t just a loss. This was a milestone. Finally able to say, I did it. I’ve lost a bloomin’ stone. It comes with its very own fridge magnet too! I know…big kid. Let me have my moment. Ok, moment passed. It has taken me 22 weeks, but I have finally got 14lbs off. This time for good. I said the other week getting to the middle of this stone zone was a big ‘milestone’ for me, I also knew that getting to this point would be a much bigger one and a huge motivator. Lets hope this does its intended job. It has taken 21 weigh ins (Week 1 was my first week so first weigh in not a loss weigh in…) to lose 14lbs, which ok, is not quite 1lb a week… but looking it at numbers, isn’t that far behind…. 7lbs, so 7 weeks? Ok maybe it is… but still 14 in 21, looks a lot better than 14 in 5 whole months! Look.. its better than nothing right? I am most definitely not looking at another 10.5 weeks to lose another 7lbs, it will come off sooner than that. I would say for sure but this is me. I hope!
Such a weight has been lifted, really needed this today. Well, I have needed this milestone for so long now its borderline ridiculous. But yes. Good end to a not so great day, or week for that matter! But next week brings my sons 2nd birthday so I can’t complain. 7 days to make a difference.
I still can’t believe I’ve actually hit this milestone. I have wanted it for so long & not been remotely close or bothered to make an effort. I knew once I hit it, I would have a big boost and hopefully the full on motivator I need to power through.
Having a quick look… I have not weighed in the bottom half of this stone zone since for one week in July last year… and before that February last year. That’s ridiculous. I have not weighed this ‘low’ since February 2016!!! WHAT!!! It isn’t even that low! Considering I started back up in July 2015…!
So. I have 4lbs to go to get to the lowest I have weighed since coming back in 2015…I know I said my journey was slow, but really? It is only slow because of me. It can only be changed, by me.
The certificate, well a more ‘fun’ version that my fellow fat club helper personalised and made for me, is now sitting pride of place on my fridge with its matching magnet, like a school kid and a painting!
Target for this week, focus, lose. I am not setting a figure for this week, but a loss will be nice. I will try. It is all I can do. Not too hard, not too little… just try. Blue dot style.
Number target wise. My next 2.
4lbs = lowest since rejoining, which originally got to November 2015 – which again, was a slow start… July – November, I lost 1 stone 4lbs, so 18lbs in 4.5 months.
1lb after that = next stone down.
I want my son’s 2nd birthday to start off with a bang…. presents and fun times for him and a loss for Mommy… 2 happy campers will make Daddy even happier too…I mean he’ll be happy… a week away from his god awful work AND his son’s birthday… good times… but a happy Mommy too… now we’re talking…so win win for all.
Lets do this.
So as I’ve mentioned before… the week following a successful weigh in – usually being a very good loss, so anything over 1lb for me…. but this time was a small loss but a very good milestone was reached – I tend to go off the wagon a little. A full on self sabotage if you will. I don’t know why, but its like I can’t allow myself to be truly successful or happy. This is a constant battle and something I am trying to get my head around on a daily, if not hourly basis. It’s like I can’t allow myself to do it right, like I enjoy beating myself up week in, week out. It sound’s crazy and stupid, and no doubt is… but it is also me being honest.
This week is proving a challenge. I’m only 3 days in. Yes, that’s right its Saturday evening! And I’m struggling. It only really sort of took effect last night. Dinner plans went a little tits up and seeing as the weekend = food shop time, there wasn’t much left in to ‘conjure’ something up. This usually means I raid the cupboards for bits and pieces and then do a whole heap of damage. But this time I didn’t. I had a low SP dinner and even managed to ‘scoff’ down two pears! I know, such a devil! But get me… fruit 👍🏻! Then today, meals just haven’t done the job, if you get me? I’ve used my points wisely don’t get me wrong. No binging… no snacking… no wasted SP… yet.
I had myself a fakeaway wrap pizza for dinner tonight. Now normally this is yum, but I really didn’t fancy it this evening. I settled for it because well 1) I could not justify the full price cost of a supermarket Pizza Express pizza not being offer… plus 2) I could not justify the cost of SmartPoints I would have to use in order to have any other supermarket pizza!! Half of those equated the PE one I usually have. When it’s on offer. Which it wasn’t today. Damnit. So good ol’ on the WW wagon Lou, did a wrap pizza. It was OK. But after a disappointing Subway for lunch AND having to share my breakfast with my adorable son… it was just a whole heap of disappointment today. I guess I should be proud I’m 3 days in post successful weigh in, and yet to ruin it.
There’s time. My body is truly fighting me, well not my body, my mind is fighting me this week. Even though it wasn’t a big loss, it was an achievement, my body just feels the need to fight it and sabotage it.
Trying to fight your own fight…. it’s damn hard.
But I’m trying.
Jeez, reading back over last month and the start of this month. Broken record at its finest, self sabotage coming up to a milestone & now self sabotage coming from a milestone. Sort it out Lou, get over yourself!!!! Just damn do it! It’s what everyone else is saying! So you may as well too. Just do it.
So the rest of the week…Sunday was a cheeky Nando’s day. Nanny is away for Lil Mans birthday this week and we haven’t taken her out for a while. So her favourite lunch spot it was. Plus, Lil Man rarely eats out with us as he is beyond fussy, obviously this was no different, and as a result it becomes a vicious circle. Get them used to eating out, yet they still play up, don’t have them eating out and they still play up! So that was a few tantrums and some stresses later, but an on plan, low SP kind of meal, no regrets… no waste, no pain! Come evening, I wasn’t feeling so positive, we didn’t have much in and I was trying hard to rein in the urge for temptation this week….I don’t want to give in to myself and f up a week, like I always tend to do, but this constant battle with myself, is driving me crazy. Yet another vicious circle trying to contend with!
So Monday has come around. Hubby is off for the week, YAY!
This does mean potentially more meals out as we will try to get out and about, on the cheap side, and weather dependent but still. Nothing rash like previous ‘holidays’ and full on off plan mode, but probably more Costa visits & sandwich based lunches. Can’t really complain, walking is good! Plus meal choices would only be similar to what we have at home, and to be honest, if I said I was having a sandwich every day no one would question it. As soon as you say ‘eating out’ everyone pounces like oh my gosh, how can you be eating out AGAIN! But it’s not like that, no fancy pubs or restaurants, just normal food, just physically out the house. I do have a confession though, Sunday evening I ploughed my way through a bag of popcorn… OK, so wasn’t a big bag, nor the worst. and neither was it chocolate or BAAAD food, but it was still an unnecessary, unneeded splurge. I told you, constant battles with yourself is damn hard, and always, always goes the way you do not want!
By Monday evening, I was just not feeling it. I don’t know what it was, but it wasn’t being felt. We had, had a fun day birthday shopping, but then an afternoon of running around to cake shops, cat sitting, traffic sitting, plus then baking. Yes I was baking for my Lil Mans birthday cake! It was a numbers one, first time ever doing one of these, stressing so hard over it, and all I had accomplished so far was baking it. At least that was a success! After all that and then sorting dinner, by the time I sat down, I just couldn’t face it.
The popcorn regret was also hitting hard, I know, I know, I shouldn’t have done it in the first place, but it could have been a whole lot worse, so yeh.
The final day loomed before the whole stressful related judgement day appeared. I spent most of the day stressing over the birthday cake. It just wasn’t going as planned, nothing was going as I imagined, and a whole heap of emotions ensued.
I just felt like, for the first time in a long while, I was finally getting somewhere with this whole cake hobby malarkey, and felt a little more confident, so wanted to go a little out of my ‘comfort’… wouldn’t go that far, as I am no pro, but it’s the closest I can relate too, zone. Oh Lou, Oh me Oh my, why. I should have just stuck with the ‘comfort’ zone and adapted. But no. I had to go one further. The stress and the tears this cake has caused, I should have stuck with what I knew and not tried going for something new. This is why I don’t try new. I try to be too much of a perfectionist, almost instantly. Because it wasn’t going to plan, of course I felt it was failing. I felt like I was letting the world and its wife down. All these people who would be expecting wonders, they had seen my recent cake so of course were expecting me to not only make my son’s birthday cake, but make something wonderful too. Of course this was all in my own mind, but at the time. The pressure. I didn’t just feel like I was failing & letting down all these people (who quite frankly, couldn’t give a flying rats bottom what I did….) but also letting down my son. Cue emotional bad mom mode. I know right. Stupid. Plus he’s going to be two. He will come down in the morning to a room full of presents, a day totally out of the norm followed by a random lit up creation and not know what is going on. Again, he of all people, will not care!!! But all the same, felt like I was letting him down entirely. Cue emotional bad mom mode breakdown! Silly.
I had a breather, had some dinner, a talking to by my most supportive and somewhat silly husband – why he puts up with me I will never know. If you find out, do let me know. Then went back to it.
I managed to salvage it. I think. I wasn’t as happy with it as I should have been, but for a first try. I guess it was OK.
Morning came. Birthday time!!! Happy excitable times! Now the very proud owner of a cheeky 2 year old!
However, nothing was going to stop me from facing it and going to get weighed. We were originally going to take Lil Man to ThomasLand, so an early morning weigh in was on the agenda. Turns out about a week ago, we found out that of all the days in June…there are 30 of them might I add… the one, and only, day it was closed to the public. Today. Really?!? Like come on!! Really?!
So. Plans changed, and we opted for West Midlands Safari Park. We have been a couple of times in the past, but Lil Man is very into his animals now so we thought you know what, blue skies, sun is shining, let’s do something he may actually understand and grasp the concept of! Exciting times. But first. Weigh in. Get it over and done with so I can enjoy the day.
Ok. So this mornings results are in. I only went and did it. I lost weight! 4 weeks running now. Shocker. It was a morning weigh in, and last time this occurred, the results the week after weren’t so positive. So let’s hope I keep this rolling next week! Prove that it doesn’t matter what time of day, that Wednesday is the day the numbers go down.
The rest of today… care free, off plan fun day. It’s not like your Lil Man turns 2 every day now is it!?!
On the other hand…. your totally care free off plan fun day doesn’t quite go as off plan as first imagined. Meal choices were far from the best, but far from the worst. Plus, your Lil Man goes and steals your ice cream. Your favourite ice cream. This isn’t allowed by many. It’s a good job he’s cute! No one can normally steal my white chocolate Magnum and get away with it!
I did however, track my whole day, yes a lot of SP were used, I went well into the minuses on the ol’ weeklies, oops! But like I said, it’s not every day your Lil Man turns 2! We have had a fab day, enjoyed every second and made lots more wonderful memories. A well deserved and enjoyable day.
Tomorrow is a new day, a new week, a fresh set of Smart Points. Happy days.
Happy Birthday to our gorgeous Lil Man. At 21.28, two years ago, our lives changed in away we could not even begin to imagine. Another year has come and gone, filled with laughter, giggles, tears, so much cheekiness and so many wonderful memories. You are turning into a proper little dude now, please slow down! Love you Lots xxx
So birthday celebrations are over. It’s a new day. We are officially a family with a 2 year old. Now back to it. No more cakes to bake, not for rest of this month anyway!
So after my loss yesterday – obviously ruined by the day’s food consumption, which I do not regret one bit! – I have realised that not only is this 4 weeks in a row, but in fact, works out to 4lbs in 4 weeks. I’ve had a ½lb loss followed by a 1.5lb loss, then another ½lb loss and now another 1.5lb loss… now my quick maths…says a lot… that’s 4lbs. 4lbs in 4 weeks = 1lb a week! Finally started hitting what I wanted back in January!!!
6 months its taken.. 6 whole months! How awful does that sound!?
Oh and for the record, yes we did have some birthday cake last night, well Hubby & I did… just a small slice each. Some has gone to the neighbours, to a friend, and to the Mother in Law, some is waiting to go to my folks and the rest frozen, consumed or may in fact be chucked eventually, if not eaten! We’re not big cake eaters here, now that may come as a big shock to some of you, considering my history and my sweet tooth, but cake, no, cake batter yes, cake, I can leave. All that time, effort, and tears into making it…. what does my Lil Man go and do? Leans over the candles, grabs Thomas and starts pushing him up and down the train tracks…. then grabs some of his other animals to do the same! Please note, candles had been blown out by this point. He was none the wiser on what was going on, just that he had himself a new toy to play with. Yes a toy. Not an edible item, or some ‘yummy’ cake, no, he didn’t want to even try…. but wanted to play!
I was always told, and brought up, not to play with my food, but apparently, that’s what goes down these days!
Hubby’s still off this week, so few more days of fun family times ahead. Unfortunately he is working this weekend, yes Fathers Day too 😩 but that also means I’ll have a more on plan weekend than I have had recently. But not thinking about that just yet, just enjoying the next few days.
Here’s to week 24!
So it’s Monday evening. It’s baking hot, as much as we all love hot weather, we all express the same emotions when it comes to the UK…. icky, muggy, yucky, is it over and done with yet. The usual. The days are lovely, but the evenings and our homes, just aren’t cut out for it. Our house is currently 28′ and outside is actually only 25′. Only. Ha. See when you go away to hot countries, you can leave the heat when you go indoors, you can’t here. There is no escape. It’s just rubbish, and I hate to wish away the nice sunny days, but I do. I also currently hate summer time in the UK because well, my body isn’t ready. It’s not summer ready, it’s just not ready. I can’t wear the nice floaty cooling clothes, and the tops I had last summer (which technically are or should be too big now or fit nicer) just don’t look right and I do not feel comfortable in. Every summer I say this will be the last, the next summer I will be in ALL the nice clothes I got into, back in 2010, for one summer only! And lo and behold… next summer comes, and the same spiel comes out, and I tell myself I have another 12 months. But, the only difference this summer… I am trying. Well after I give this weeks update it probably won’t sound it, but I am.
How’s my week been?
Well. We’ve had a couple of chill days (not doing much, other than soaking away in the sun… so take the ‘chill’ lightly) walking up to our local Costa, we had another busy day out, where we had a big off plan lunch (oops) but this was not as enjoyable as it should have been, but pointed all the same. Hubby worked the weekend so I had a day with the Mother and a day with the Mother In Law, so pretty much on plan there. I haven’t had a completely off week, not like the last few where I’ve had a few bad days here and there, I just haven’t had an amazing bang on week either. I can’t really explain how this week has gone. I haven’t been 100% off plan but I have tried moving past any decisions that would look at being ‘wrong’ in the eyes of some of you, not focused on them and tried to bring it back round.
All I know is, last Wednesday (Bday treat day) and Friday will be having an effect / affect, I can never remember 🙈 on results day…. mixed with this heat… yes you may laugh but it can affect some of us, thank you very much! Excess fluid from drinking so much, heat retention/bloatage…. you name it there’s an excuse, plus the fact I’ll be back to an evening weigh in after a morning one… plus those off days I’ve had on & off the past few weeks will no doubt be playing catch up…. I just have a funny feeling, again.
One week I’ll go in all guns blazing raring to go positive for a loss. Will see.
Still got 1.5 days to go! HA!
Miracles can happen, pigs may fly.
In this case, pigs did not fly! I did have a funny feeling, I did say that!
Like I also said, heat, birthday, you name it, this week, it’s happened. But in all honesty, the amount of fluid I have consumed this morning alone, will have had a major impact on the scales this evening. Good or bad, for most people. Fluid can do just as bad as food! Someone weighed their litre bottle of water on the scales tonight. 2.5lbs! So there we go. Proof right there. I’m not trying to justify it, I’m just saying!
As above, I have not had a proper on plan week, it’s unacceptable to expect anything less!
Anyway. I’m too warm, too frustrated and not in a good frame of mind to care right now. Moving on.
So after my realisation last week of 4lbs off in 4 weeks…. I go and have a 1lb gain. Oops.
But as we know, I have said many a time, I have a run of good success, especially this month, with finally hitting that one stone mark, and then find a way to go and ruin it. Hopefully last week is that, and I’ll be back on it this week. We shall see. Well. The next 2.5 days are written off as off plan already.
Today I am off to London with my northern buddy until the weekend, for tonight is my Mothers Day present. Finally. Ed Sheeran! I should be packing right now, but instead, starting this weeks entry! 4.5 hours before I’m due to leave, and I’m only just starting to pack… priorities! Well when I say pack… essentials and a variety of different tops, as I only do jeans these days… nothing else fits! Oh and hello breeze, finally!! Some calmer, nicer, british summer weather! I know it won’t last, and the next 2 days with the Tube as transport… going to be fun!
So I’m back!! Thursday afternoon we had a quick Costa lunch before getting the train down. We walked up to Costa and on to the train station – start as we mean to go on!Ed Sheeran was as good as you would expect! Some don’t get him, or understand why he’s as popular or sold out tour worthy. But watching him live, you’ll understand! Was a good gig!! Preceeding the gig we had stopped off for some dinner & a very yummy TGI Fridays cocktail – bubblegum daiquiri 😍 yummmmmm! The next day we had breakfast at the hotel, nothing OTT but more than a normal breakfast would entail. Our day started with a trip to Leicester Square to find a theatre show for the evening. We settled on Wicked. My friends favourite show and one I have always wanted to see. Perfect. Before heading there in the evening we had a fun day wandering around the Science Museum & the National History Museum – shock horror. Yes I went to some museums, on my own accord I’ll have you know! Popped in to see the ol’ ancestors & some ol’ chums in visiting the dinosaurs. Anyone who knows my labour story, will know the bond I now have with dinosaurs!
Before we went to see Wicked we stopped off for a couple more cocktails, standard Woo Woos this time. You know how it is. Wicked was well… wicked. Absolutely loved it. I know it’s doing a UK tour next year so I’ll be getting tickets for our local theatre, there’s something about sitting in the dress circle that stops me from getting full enjoyment out of the show, so a stalls view will do next time! Even so, I did enjoy it and would happily see it again, evidently!
I even purchased my own Oyster card, and by the end of our visit, we were giving (correct thank you very much) other tourists Tube directions!
Saturday morning, another hotel breakfast and then the journey home. My friend was eager to get back on the road – another 2.5 hour drive back from us to Leeds so we drove up to the local Costa to meet hubby and sleeping son, for another quick toastie before she headed off to the motorway. I then finished my trip away with a walk back home. End as I began!
Luckily I had my FitBit on the entire trip. Thursday – Saturday inclusive = 46,497 steps equating to approx 19 miles. Bearing in mind usually I’m lucky to hit 5k steps in any one day! So plenty of steps and walking achieved, to hopefully counteract the food and cocktails 🙈
Thursday morning I knew I would have 2.5 days truly off plan, and more than likely Saturday night too, but was all set for getting straight back on it Sunday morning. Especially now the weather had cooled. That was an added bonus of help.
I stupidly did a pre and post London visit weigh in. The scales were telling me I was 5lbs up. HOW!!! I wasn’t that bad whilst we were down there, and the walking should have counteracted…surely!? Obviously this did not go down well, at all. With last weeks gain still fresh in my mind, mixed with the comedown of any ‘getaway’ return, this was not going to bode well for the other 3 days of the week.
It sure didn’t. Sunday we did a belated Fathers Day lunch, nothing tooooo bad, but nothing shouting I’m totally back on plan and damage limitation is in full force from the start of the week. Nothing like that all. Ok. So Monday and Tuesday I tried reining it in a little. But spent the rest of the week sneak weighing and seeing no change, or not enough to not piss me right off!!
Just spent the days leading up to weigh in, feeling like, well… why can’t I just live my life, have some fun, and not spend the next 3 months or so paying for my regrettable choices. Why can’t I just go, enjoy and move on! Why does my body have to hold onto food like no tomorrow, or if it doesn’t why do I then have to go and ruin it for myself. All the while thinking I just want to eat rubbish. Can’t win!!! Broken record rearing its ugly head. The old me was more last week than this week. I am aware my body doesn’t take to change or ‘holiday’ too well. So I was expecting maybe a 1-2lb gain from 2.5 days completely off track and way more walking than normal. My body also does not bode well to exercise… standard fatty right there!! All these would go against me come weigh in, I was prepared for that. But not for a 3-5lbs gain. Not at all.
I nearly decided to leave weigh in this week and just go next week. But what does that do? Who does that help? Not me. In the past I’ve avoided the scales, and done even more damage the following week because of it. So I thought no. Suck it up. Face it. I always tell others in similar predicaments to go and face them, it may not be as bad as you think. So now I should listen.
It won’t be a loss. Not in the slightest. But we shall go and see the damage. Teach me to damage limitate in future. End the month properly. Throwing any form of loss out for the month, another month wasted. But hey ho. What’s done is done.
I got to a good place, a stone and a bit down. I have since spent the last 2 weeks mucking around. Standard Lou. Time to nip it in the bud, stop it at 2 weeks, and not let it fester any longer.
Well OK then. This was a smidge better than I was expecting. Well when I say smidge. A big smidge!
Even though London was 2.5 days out of my week, and at the very start, with a whole heap of walking… it never goes in my favour. As my scales were constantly telling me all week. Breaking me daily. Making me feel like I can’t have days off and enjoy myself, because it will always come back to bite. But because of that junk of metal in my bathroom…..I strayed the rest of the week. I didn’t refocus. I gave in to my emotions! But then today. I decided no. I will go, I will face it.
Just goes to show, should not weigh at home, or sneak weigh!!! That told me.
So there we go. London assessment… not as bad as was expecting. A gain. But still. Only just.
Well…actually 4.5lbs has been lost this week. No matter how temporary it may have been…it was still a gain, that has been lost. That ½lb will also follow suit next week.
So another month is done. June is done. 4 weigh ins down. ½lb to show for it. Shocking.
Yeh, pretty disappointed in this ‘result’ to be honest. Yes OK, it’s a loss. Another month with a loss total. I should be happy and accepting of this.
This week I had London, yes a visit I had planned for and knew would throw a spanner in the works, but I could have reined it back in instead of moping about supposed scales results…the minute I walked through the door Saturday I should have done just that. But nope. Let my inner fat girl head rule again.
The week before… no excuse as to why that happened. Lil Man’s birthday was a Wednesday, the week ending prior to that gain, it was one day. Except I turned it into a week off. Same old story with me.
So July brings about my birthday. ONE DAY!
Last year I had 3 real good weeks leading up to this one day, June 2016 I had started over, again….! Can you see the broken record. I had started over, 3 good weeks, 7lbs down in those 3 weeks, I even skipped a meal out on my birthday, to come to group! We decided to move the meal to the day after, first day of a new week, so technically focus on one day not a week, and still go to group! It did not work. That one meal threw me off not just for the week, but the rest of the year.
My birthday is a Thursday this year, I’ll weigh in the day before as normal, enjoy my birthday and move on. I am not letting last years mistakes repeat this year.
I may only be one stone down in 6 months. But I am making progress this year, and am not going to mess that up good and proper. Not again.
I have 2 weigh ins before my birthday, so I want to make it a good 2 weeks. Try and bring the positivity and success back to my journey.
I may be ending June ‘only’ ½lb down, but a loss is a loss, but…..I am ending the month with having hit a stone mark. One stone down. Finally. It may have actually taken 6 months, which to some, is pathetic I know, don’t remind me. It’s only food, it should be more straight forward than this yada yada…. The main thing is, I struggle… but I am still moving forward.
July. June wasn’t as kind to me, or I wasn’t as kind to me, as I should have been, I sort of feel another wasted month, but July…are you the month I’ve been looking for? Help Me!