Well.. the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 5th….actually all 31 days for that matter.
Lets hope the WW Force is strong this month….aka, positive, successful in dropping lbs… in 31 days time we will know for sure. Or is it really all just about the Fourth?!

Week 17
Can’t believe I didn’t get a proper post weigh in treat last night. That’s two weeks running now! But the reasons behind it are more important and sorting the situation in hand is far more important than some bad SP value meal and snack!

I did however see a recipe for ‘homemade Oreos’… and did in fact make some. They are nothing like Oreo, not in shape, form, smell, appearance, texture, whatever.
IMG_8832.JPGNothing about this sweet treat resembles an Oreo. But I tried one last night. I also had one today. They were tasty. They also got little man’s approval…so they must be nice, because he is Fussy… with a capital F!
The recipe made quite a few, and I did put them into the recipe builder and I did work them out. Shocker! Averaging 3SP per ‘Oreo’. It made 50ish in total (once built)… with some dough left over that I chucked so I reckon I could have got another 5 complete ‘Oreos’ out of it, so put in 55 servings on the app. Obviously filling wise varied from one to another, same with amount of biscuit dough. But averaging it out, 3-4SP isn’t bad for a baked good. How good am I though?! Working it out and all that!? I wouldn’t normally do that.
*If anyone want’s the recipe let me know….*
Plus I tracked the one I had today. Normally that would have gone on my magical invisible special allowance of SmartPoints. This week however I did it, I tracked it. Win.

We’re not sure how this week is going to go in terms of home life, so have accommodated for some quick and speedy simple dinners. Meaning I will force myself to eat in the evenings with a basic but substantial meal, but quick enough if it’s a little later on than we would normally like. May mean a few nights of repetitive meals, but in the grand scheme of things, this is the last thing on our minds. If it stops me from straying then so be it.
I’m still shocked at how I’ve coped… or not coped as last week proved… with everything in terms of my borderline/undiagnosed/hidden BED…. something I am still questioning a lot. Even if I don’t have this, I feel I was on the verge of developing it, not necessarily a severe form but close too. Either way, emotional eating has NOT got the better of me. Not yet. I hope to keep it that way!

One thing that has affected me this week, is something I tend to do often. Plus I don’t seem to be the only one to do this. I find that after a couple of weeks on plan, and successfully losing, the next week is a fail. It’s like something in my head goes, oh you’ve done well, you deserve a break. Whereas in fact it should be saying oh well done on this week, or on the past two weeks, or in fact like this week… well done on three successful weeks, keep it up. No. My mind goes off on its own little wander. The week then tends to go down hill. Eating whatever, going off plan, off tracking, anything and everything. Just one whole waste.
This week has seemed to follow suit….partially. Yes I made those biscuits at the end of last week, I’ve given most of them away so not too many have been left sitting in my kitchen, but the few that have been… some have been eaten. I ended up throwing the rest so as to not tempt me. Hubby wasn’t really eating them and he’s got his Easter stash still going strong if he needs. But he isn’t a chocoholic and doesn’t have the ‘need’ for it. So can sit for weeks half-opened and not phase him. How? Teach me how boy!!
All the biscuits that I did have, have been tracked. Which in itself is so unlike me. Ok, I sound like I have eaten a whole load each day, but that’s not the case. I am just saying what I have consumed, has been tracked for once! Ok, so I haven’t gone completely off the wagon like I have done in the past. But I have made more impulse choices & meal choices have become a bit slack. A couple have involved way more SP’s that I can to admit right now! But. Everything has been tracked.
I can’t guarantee the outcome will be a positive one, in fact, I know it won’t be, but that is my own fault. I know what I have chosen to eat, I know I have mucked up this week, I know I’ve not made the best decisions. But I also know I am accepting them, I am admitting them, I have tracked it all. These are all things I wouldn’t have done in the past. So that’s something I guess. Of course if it is a gain I’ll be disappointed, of course I will. Who wouldn’t be.  But I have to accept it and move on. I can sit and wallow between now (Monday night) and weigh in (Wednesday night) but I know there isn’t much I can do. I can also go off the rails and think sod it, and potentially make the damage worse. That isn’t something I should do, or in fact wise to even consider. So I won’t. Again, a first. Just need to avoid sneaking on the scales. That won’t help me either way!

3 good weeks and 3 losses…. I always end up doing this so hey ho. Admit it. Face it. Try to accept it.
Then move on.
IMG_9074.JPG
So…. results are in. In a quick nutshell as this week I’ve droned on enough…unintentional nerd alert pun there…..did you spot it!?!?
And do you know what. It’s a gain. But I am genuinely ok. It’s deserved. And then some.
Anyone who thinks having 3 ‘bad’ meals out, one the night before weigh in, snacking a lot more than I care to admit, all whilst still tracking everything and still going over even your weeklies…. can result in some form of a loss…. is completely delusional!
I used to be that person. I used to not track and take the points from my invisible SP stash…. you all have one, and have all used it…you may not admit it out loud, but you know it rings true! Yet with those invisible SP’s on top of everything I was still going in and standing on those scales to expect a loss …but not anymore.
1.5lbs on is shockingly good, I was expecting at least double this.  At the end of the day, I have gone & faced the scales, owned up, accepted and moving on.
Not a great start to May, but I have 28 more days.
It’s not over yet.

Week 18
Let’s just put last week behind us. It was a bad one. But May isn’t over yet. It’s only Star Wars Day after all…. (4th….) which means there are still 28 days, 28 fresh starts.
So tomorrow I am off to the Chinese State Circus with a friend, the Mommy Date blog friend…. and we are stopping off for some dinner before the ‘show’ as it’s quite a drive away. I have prepared for this, and this won’t be tracked. I admit it now. That doesn’t mean the rest of the week will go to pot, I’m just documenting and admitting now that it is prepared for, and will be enjoyed. It may seem like it at the moment, but I don’t get out much, and when I do it comes in waves! All in one go. Like this past week!
But once the Circus is done, my social life goes on the back-burner again. So for today and tomorrow, I am planning, tracking, doing as much of the blue dot as I can….aiming for 25/30 for the month. If I can get through today and half of tomorrow…enjoy tomorrow and get straight back on it Saturday, then I think I’ll be OK.
In the past, one meal off has completely thrown me but hopefully with all my new life lessons recently, it won’t go that way.

6 weeks yesterday my son turns 2, I vowed last year that I would not be the same size by his 2nd birthday. That’s failed! I’m currently 1/2lb off what I weighed on his birthday week weigh in last year. I have 5 more weigh ins, I want to be a few lbs down. I won’t give an exact figure as clearly pressure and targets do squat for me! But yes. That’s my plan. Well, first off, lose this 1.5lb gain! I have to remind myself…slow and steady. Patience.

So the Circus came and went. It was fun! We went a little naughty with our meal, but it was planned for! So allow it. The rest. Not so much. Saturday all ready for a day on plan, failed. We had burgers and fries. Yes. One big fail! I am such a broken record, I see one day off plan and then the rest follows. BUT. I tracked it. That’s something. AND. I didn’t go over my dailies as that’s all I had. Shocker.
Sunday. We ended up going out for lunch, tracked as best as I could, but yeh. Fail again. What is wrong with me? Even with this new-found motivation, or lack of by the sounds of this weekend….I still can’t throw out my old bad habits. Slow and steady I guess.
Well the rest of the week is a little bit of a blur, my two boys were poorly. Very poorly. Thankfully it turns out I didn’t follow suit, but meals went to pot, food choices slowed, sleep was disturbed. Not by the boys but just what happens to me.
I was absolutely dreading weigh in as it was with my awful awful weekend, of which I regretted Sunday mostly. So wanting to spend Monday & Tuesday on damage control central was my aim… and didn’t go to plan because they were poorly.
Mix that in with hubbys late shifts, thankfully still working from home so if I was to weigh in, I was to go to a morning meeting. Mid Monday I had this thought, maybe I should leave it. We didn’t know how either of them were going to be, mixed with my weekend of baddddd, plus we didn’t know if I was going to follow on, maybe no weigh in this week wouldn’t be such a bad thing.
Here comes the old habits sneaking back in. Tut Tut. So easily done for me still. Need to work on that.
Well Wednesday morning came, the boys were improving and I hadn’t fallen ill. I decided to go. Face the music. My mistakes AGAIN, face the consequences.
IMG_9288Like what…. what the actual?!!!?? HOW?!?!!?!?
The boys had been ill, not me! So how on earth? Really…. no words. And no it’s not because I went to a morning class. I have tested at home before weighing in the morning and again the evening before I’ve gone to my own class…. and the difference is 0.5-1lb at most. So even with that, 3lb off??? HOW?!?!?!!?!?!?
I won’t complain. Last weeks 1.5lb gain gone. Along with an impressive 2.5lbs on top. How, I do not know.  But as my mother said to me…. even 6 years down the line (yes still not at goal, yes still as depressing….) I have no words, explanations or understanding as to how my body loses weight!!
13lbs down. Finally. 1lb off a stone. It has only taken…. 5 months?? Ok, I said I was ruling out March, so 4 months. But still. Slowly getting there. Plus. I am 1.5lbs into the lower half of this stone zone. I’m that little bit further from the heavy end, and that little bit closer to the stone below. Exciting times!!!
1lb next week & I’ll be doubly chuffed!!! I have wanted to be in the lower end of this stone for so long now, and yes it is only a stone down…. but still. It’s something. I am 5 months into my new ‘journey’ and finally starting to get somewhere. Some people get that click immediately, others it takes time. Especially those battling emotions and emotional eating, stress, and parenthood….. coping not as well as you originally thought. But it’s slowly getting there. If I get that 1lb off next week… oh man.
Star Wars… the force is strong here!!

Week 19
Ok, so theoretically I should be 19lbs down by now. But I’m not. I’m going into week 19, 13lbs lighter. Now, with my track record that in itself is a bloody achievement! Hopefully one that will continue to grow as the weeks go on. We shall see. To say I’m 13lbs down from Christmas, that’s so good to hear, but I also know it could be so much better than that. Especially with little man’s birthday looming. This week includes a month to go until his big day… I need to lose a good amount between now and then. I don’t see any physical changes and won’t for a long time, 13lbs for me is not enough for a physical change, which means I won’t if photos are taken, and me and photos at the moment. Gosh. Just No. That’s all. Just No. What always baffles me, is why that alone isn’t enough to spur me on?? Why??
Not only for that but I need to try this week so that I don’t risk it all catching up with me at this weeks weigh in, which my past mistakes have sometimes done.

So how did this week go. Well. Cue broken record. It didn’t go well. It didn’t go bad, but it could and should have gone a lot better. I won’t dwell too much on it, but after writing the above…. yeh.
It started off well. Hubby and little man were pretty much back to 100%, so I spent the morning sorting the house, bringing back to normality, the usual, tidying, cleaning, washing etc. Breakfast and lunch all on plan and normal. Thursday evening, hubby was on the late shift and working from home but suggested that maybe we should have our Wednesday night treat night that night. We had missed out the night before as he wasn’t back to normal, but by Thursday night he was absolutely fine and raring to go! Now, don’t get me wrong, I had tracked fine all day, I had the points to use. So I did. 1lb to go and a day into a new week, this was my decision. STUPID WOMAN!! No. I am not.
This was how I thought it:
No I haven’t lost my marbles, or thinking about completely going off plan.
No I’ve not been stupid, after my big loss yesterday why should I go and do this?
Well. It’s me. I’m a joke. I do silly things.
That’s a lie. Well it’s not, I am silly, I can be a joke! But not tonight. We have planned for this.
We didn’t get a cheat treat meal yesterday or any sneak snacks… we decided to give hubby an extra day or two to recover but he decided tonight he wanted it. He’s back 110% and decided that he was up for it tonight or the weekend. I decided tonight. Rather than the weekend. Get it done the day after weigh in. Eat it, track it, plan for it & then can have 5 solid days in a row with no ‘cheat’ in between. Plus I have a lunch date with an ex coworker tomorrow, she does SW so it won’t be all bad, but thought rather than being extra good now then slipping tomorrow and risking slipping again over the weekend… potentially resulting in a major train wreck rest of week… get it done.
Main thing is it’s been planned, it’s been tracked. Moving on.
Plus NO bad choices made or hidden invisible SPs used.
Overall a good Thursday for me.
I’ve also had big words with hubby tonight to keep me on the straight and narrow this week as I still can’t believe what the scales said and do worry my ‘normal’ ones next week will throw it back in my face…. not something to really think about after my dinner but still.
Anyway.
Food has been tracked. Head is into the planning. The talk has been had. There we go.

Sorted. Friday came, I saw my old work mate, we had a good catch up over a quick-lunch – she was on her 1 hour lunch break – made a good choice, or so I thought. Seeing this as my main meal of the day I went for something light like chicken breast and chips. The chicken was simply the driest boringest thing EVER and the chips… well I counted. There were 12 chips on my plate. I thought not too bad. I then checked the App after consumption. 18SP!!! For 12 chips. Are you for real!??? That’ll teach me to not avoid the curse of pointing after eating, plus, not going to eat here again! No way.
Now I know some restaurant values for their chips are above and beyond ridiculous… yeh I’m looking at you PiriPiri…. mentioning no names, but you know where I mean I’m sure. But even those places that are ridiculously pointed, at least provide you with a worthy portion. 12 chips… not worth it. Thankfully I didn’t have breakfast so was still left with a handful of SP incase I wanted a light dinner in the evening.
But as I had said, the previous nights meal choice and this were the bad meals DONE for the week. I still had 5 days to stick to plan and make good choices.

5 days came and went. 5 days on plan failed. WHY!?!?!?!?!
Like I didn’t go completely off plan but tracking whatever, wherever, consuming more carbs… demolishing a load of chocolate throughout Eurovision…. not good. Plus…. how did Portugal win? I mean really, come on!?!?!
I have no excuse and no reason for how or what my choices were this week. They weren’t even that bad. But with the 1lb looming above my head, mixed with the fact the bad weekend was sure to catch up with me, I should have known better.

I have been questioning last week’s incredible and very much surprising loss, for days now. I didn’t deserve it, not in the slightest. What I consumed at the weekend was unacceptable for a WWer, let alone someone expecting and quite frankly NEEDING to lose week in, week out. Plus I weighed in, in the morning which will make a difference, no matter what I say. I shouldn’t kid myself. It will be a 1lb difference, which in the grand scheme of things doesn’t seem a lot, but it is.
IMG_9074Well there we go. Damage done.
I could find every excuse under the sun. The boys were ill last week, the scales were different, the time of day, the weekend catching up, too many carbs, too much liquid, not feeling 100% myself but with no side effects, star week approaching, ate a big meal the day before…. There could be an endless list of excuses, we all use them. The fact of the matter is, this week I failed. I didn’t try hard enough. My success last week thrown out this week. My standard pattern of late. Recap to the first week of May. Explain’s it all there! Not even out the month and I’m falling down again!
I just didn’t try. When I, as in me, Lou, doesn’t try, it doesn’t work.
I’m not lucky like some, the ones who pig out for 3-4 days and spend the other 3 downing shakes, cutting back on foods, drinking detox teas… nothing works except the plan.

If you don’t do it. Don’t expect it. Simple as.

Week 20
So…. 3 weeks into May, I’m 1lb down. How depressing. What is even more depressing. I was 1lb off my first stone. I’m now 2.5lbs away.
I could sit here and say I’ve given myself a good talking too, I’ve cried, I’ve looked in the mirror, I’ve felt truly disgusted in myself…. I could say that this is all true, which it is. This has all been done in the last 12 hours. But. You don’t need to hear this. What benefit is all of this to you? Really? Why do you need to hear my sob story month in month out? That next month will be better? You don’t care! It’s not going to have any affect on your lives is it!?! It’s my life. My vicious circle. My broken record. If I don’t like it, only I can change it right? I’m the only one stopping me from achieving it. My benefit. My success. My failures. My choices. All me. I need this month to be better. I need this week. For me.

So back to it woman. 2 more weigh in’s for May. Focusing on it one day at a time. 27-37 SmartPoints at a time.
Hubby’s day off falls on my first day of this week, as he is working the weekend. We decided to go out for lunch with little man. He usually has his nap whilst we eat, but after last week with Hubby being ill, working this weekend and off to a gig Sunday night, some quality family time was needed. We ended up at Nando’s. No issues here, WW friendly. Plus…. I can have extra chicken for only an extra 1SP! Main meal of the day in the bag, sorted.
Plus, being around Hubby is always a great support to me, even without him watching or telling me, just being there does wonders. Was lovely having a nice meal the three of us! OK, so little man only had chips… but he is a fussy one at the best of times, and whilst ill last week we found out his final 2 teeth are cutting through, so that is causing him some major jip at the moment. Poor boy. They come through quick don’t get me wrong, full set before he was 1, and the 2nd year molars will all be through, all 4 of them, before he is 2!! Even though once spotted it doesn’t take long to cut and come through, he suffers big time in between. He doesn’t get much rest-bite from the aching gums, and unable to communicate with us has caused endless distress for all parties… 1 tooth to go, and teething is DONE! Anyway, it was a lovely meal. Lovely day. Pointed & tracked.
Thursday done – earned my blue dot!! 🔵
The next couple of days I did a whole lot of tracking breakfast and dinner allowing myself to know in advance remaining points for remaining meals/snacks! Actually saying that, I’d already put in Saturday night’s dinner AND Sunday’s lunch by Thursday evening!! Really, whats happened to me!?!?
I find that the more successful, as in, on plan, all tracked, within my ‘tracking zone’, and not much snacking involved, my Thursday and Friday is, the more successful my overall week is. So we will see.
Working weekend for Hubby….except Sunday night also included a night in alone as he was at a gig… which usually means, trolling cupboards for something to pick at, or even sneak at. Not this weekend. I’d made it to Saturday 100% on plan, I wasn’t going to ruin it now. Thankfully I had been invited to MILs for Sunday lunch, so my main meal of the day was consumed and I was stuffed before I even got to the evening!
Well…. lets just say it didn’t go to plan. I went into the kitchen to make something light for tea, and found a bread & butter, a Fibre One bar & then actually weighed out some of his Easter egg… yes we still have plenty! I shouldn’t have had any, there was no reason, but I did. I weighed, ate, then pointed. Such a waste, 30g = 8SP! Whatttttttt!?!
I should have waited and found a quick simple snacky dinner but nope, I raided instead. But. I tracked. That’s one positive I suppose. I didn’t do dinner AND snack. I stopped. I tracked.
Rest of the week Hubby had off so good choices made. May have resulted in more points used than normal, but nothing I should be concerned about.
Wednesday night came…. considering I have actually done WW properly, yes I’ve had a few meals out, but you can, as long as you track and use your points, and it’s not like I went and chose bad choices, or 3 courses etc. Realistic and ‘normal’.
I planned, tracked, used my dailies and weeklies, my only ‘off’ day was Monday as was a meal out we couldn’t 100% point properly, but still within my dailies.
I did the programme… I did Weight Watchers.IMG_8178Not going to lie. Pretty disappointed. But hey… a loss is a loss I suppose. And with Mondays non guaranteed pointed meal. I guess it’s better than nothing right?!
It just annoys me, I have actually really tried this week. Yes there may have been a few choices I could have done better with but still… I’ve stuck to plan. I’ve tracked, I’ve owned it, I’ve done WW… what more can I say really.
I’m not happy with this result, not by a longshot… the success stories I see and read and hear on a daily basis about losses which have included multiple multi course meals out, way worse than what I do….it just isn’t fair sometimes.
All I can do is try again next week. I really wanted to end May on a better note than the last 2 months but clearly my mentality, motivation & determination isn’t as up to scratch as it should be.
Oh well, I know I shouldn’t complain, it wasn’t a perfect week, I know what you are all thinking, just try harder bla bla bla.

Week 21
So a new week. New attitude. Hopefully. I’ll make this week short and sweet as this month I’ve seemed to have waffled on wayyyyy too much.
First day of the week and PRESSURE!
I have a cake order for someone I do not know… no pressure… she was recommended to me by my neighbour…again no pressure… for the hottest week of the damn year!
I’ve thought logically – shocking I know – and trying to spread the baking, covering, decorating out throughout the days, so I’m not getting to hot and flustered, which always results in major stress on the cake front, which in turn makes me major stressed full stop, which leads onto emotional state, which then ties in with emotional eating… you see where this is going?
By 8.30am, the fondant on the cake was glazed…fondant does not glaze! So I did that, and left it to ‘chill’ for the rest of the day, and by 8.30am… I looked like I had done 10 rounds at the gym. I needed to ‘chill’.
I went to meet my friend and her twins for some sun and lunch… we took a stroll to the park, so FitPoints being earned there… nice! Whilst the kids were all having naps we decided to stroll up to the local Subway… by up, I mean gradient hills… nice normally, but in the heat….yeh sweaty betties…. FitPoints and sauna-esque faces…no way was I not losing grams….!!! But hey ho…. 3 kids out for the count, 2 mommas sitting down for a bite to eat in an AC filled eatery 👍🏻
Only downside to this warm weather…. the hate I feel for myself even more than normal. Another summer here that I hate….finding clothes that fit, suitable and comfortable…. ugh. I love hot weather…when I’m slim. So I’ve loved one UK summer. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This week included a flashback to 4 years ago, my wedding day. 66.5lbs lighter. Loving slim life. Oh little did I know…. and is now somewhat depressing, so very depressing, to think back to. But I’ll get back there. One day.
BUT I did have a NSV the very same day. I may not be the lbs down that I would like to be by week 21… but. I have a lot of jeans, in varying sizes. There are 4 in the ‘biggest’ size. 2 (black and dark blue) I wear all the time, and 2 (light blue) that, even though are from the same place, same size, same style…I’ve not been able to wear since January 2016. No idea why. They must be on the smaller end of this size scale. Who knows. I just couldn’t do them up. Until this week.
I know that some places, same size/style can all be made in a variety of factories, so the fact the same colour and both pairs do not fit, was interesting. So today I thought I’d try.
My current 2 pairs, fit well and can feel slightly ‘big’ at times, plus even when first washed I have no issues getting them on. So clearly these are on the verge of becoming too big. We all know that jeans when first washed should not be easy, easy to get on!
I’m so close to one stone down, I supposedly should be seeing some sort of difference in my clothing now… really!? I really don’t think so. I don’t see it either, but I thought I’d try.
They fit.
Which means, I swear they should be labelled a size or even a half-size smaller! But they’re not mislabeled…. they’re the same as my current.  But this means as these fit fine now, with no squishy issues, this may mean, I’m not too far off the size below? Could it really be on the horizon? Wishful thinking, but a positive step taken for a change!
Today really does feel like a good day. Sun is shining, no cakes to make, same size but feeling smaller jeans on, feeling like it could be a good day!

Oh, this weekend my bro and his fiancée, ahhh love saying that, are in town visiting. So a day spent with them at the parents = one on plan lunch thank you very much. But get this. Biscuits were offered around in the afternoon. I said no. I went back on the night to see POTC with them – loved it – and we had fish & chips for dinner. I don’t eat the batter anyway so that was removed, and only had a few spoonfuls of chips. Picked at a few after, but nothing as bad as a portion I would have had in the past… but more importantly. I didn’t have ANYTHING in the cinema. Like, only water! The film was 2 hours long and I did not have a single snack. What!?!?!?! To some, that’s normal. But to me. I do not do the cinema empty-handed! Even on a mommy date, the night before weigh in I took a low SP snack with!!! So this. Well this is new! So proud of myself!

Then I went and ruined my proud moment. We decided last-minute on Sunday, that we would go for a belated Anniversary meal. Ok, so I had the fish & chips with the famalam the night before, but one more meal wouldn’t hurt…. would it!? I had a shared starter and then my main, was shared with the little man. Well, he ate one bite of each of my chips, so I didn’t have too many of those! Thanks dude! I tracked as best as I could, and do not regret it. Yes we do a lot of lunches out but not very often are they gooooooodddd bad meals…. usually they’re very much WW friendly and ‘normal what I’d have had at home’ type. I tracked, I enjoyed, our anniversary comes but once a year, and he was working it so this was better than nothing. Accepted. Moved on.

The last 2 days of the week are usually my best, but the bro was still in town so went to see them again. They made macarons so obviously I had to sample. Can’t 100% point, but did my best, again something I would never have done in the past. Now time for cake #2 of the month. 1 of 2 I have to make this week. This is for my next door neighbour.
It involved SO MUCH CHOCOLATE!!! To the point it put me off for nearly a whole 48 hours 🙈
4 big bags of M&M peanuts
4 big bags of Maltesers
2 packs of Cadbury Fingers
1 big bag of melted Cadbury Buttons
2 tubes of melted Cadbury Freddo Faces
1 big bowl of chocolate buttercream
1 big 8′ cake
… and a partridge in a pear tree!
Made the night before weigh in. Good call. For reals!

Weigh in day, and another cake made, this time a hell of a lot less chocolate involved. None in fact. For my Daddy’s birthday tomorrow. Simple Madeira sponge cake… very simple compared to yesterday’s. But more stressful as had a close to 2, terrible 2’s toddler to deal with for this one! Fun nonetheless.

Anyway. Weigh day. Crazy busy afternoon sorting the cake, completely forgot it was in fact weigh day.
Someone asked me how I thought I had done this week. Well does it really matter?
The scales never reflect how I think I have done or make any sense so will see what they say soon enough… was my response.
The reply… try harder.
Really? Thanks. Just because you get away with whatever and still have fab losses does not give you the right to say that to me.  Most of the time I do damn try. To some it may not seem it, but to those who support me and genuinely care and ask how I’m getting on, tell me they know I am. So! It just doesn’t come as easy or as well to some of us. We have to continuously and tirelessly TRY. Without ‘help’.
The power is in the scales hands. I’ve had an OK week. Yes a couple of ‘bad’ meals, but doesn’t my week always sound like that? Everything, and I mean everything has been tracked and accounted for. Plus I have said NO a lot this week!
Scales. Do your worst.
IMG_9636Well I’ll be. Must have done something right after all this week. Baffled by all means. Another 1.5lbs off.
Unofficially I am now one stone down. This is from my original start weight back in 2010… UGH! But. If I can lose 0.5lb, yes that’s all, 0.5lb, next week.. totally doable and easily achievable even for me right!? Then it will be an official one stone down since my restart in January. Yes the end of the fifth month of the year and I am still not even a stone down. Depressing. Disgusting. Story of my life.
Bring it on June!!!IMG_9637So that is a wrap on May. It could have been a whole lot better, but, it could have also been a damn sight worse.
Hopefully June is a more successful month. Will I finally get that 1 stone down!?

My journey really is taking a beating this time around, and going at a very slow pace, a snail’s pace got nothing on me! I am however learning a lot about myself along the way this time though, hopefully I will learn more and become more positive as time goes on. But for now… the main thing to take away from this month…I am still going.

It won’t take me another 5-6 months to lose this ‘much’ (pahhhh…yeh ok, much is a little understatement there) but yes. It won’t take me this long to get this close to the next stone down. Well, I have to reach stone #1 before I even contemplate stone #2!
Onwards and downwards. 
I am changing my lifestyle, my habits, my mental state, the latter being the worst and slowest to change…but its happening. In its own way and its own time.

Come on June, show me what you have got!

-x-

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